As the end of the year approaches, I cannot wait for graduation. It’s this big light at the end of the tunnel for me. I have put in my four years and I cannot wait for college. I cannot wait to leave this small town. But one thing is holding me back.

At graduation, one person will be missing for me. My dad. One seat will not be filled. One ticket never used. One person I will not get a photo with after the ceremony.

His smiling face is on my refrigerator with my sister at her graduation. It’s a constant reminder that he will not be at mine. He will not see me graduate high school.

And that’s just the beginning. It’s symbolic for everything he will be missing. My bachelor’s degree, my graduate degree, my high school senior night, my college senior night, my husband, and my kids – my life.

Then, there’s my mom. He’ll be missing from the event, but she’ll be there as a widow, missing out on sharing this moment with him. He won’t be there with her to celebrate their youngest daughter leaving for college. She’ll have to put on a smile and try not to cry.

In the fall, I will leave and she will be left alone. No one will be there for her to come home to at the end of the day. The house will greet her in deafening silence. This is not the life she expected. Alone at 50.

I worry, probably more than is healthy for someone my age, more than is natural for an eighteen-year-old. I worry about my mom being left alone, about me leaving for college, about joining a new lacrosse team, and about my sister in general.

Although, I can worry all I want, but the day will come like any other day and I will graduate. I will walk across the stage and receive my diploma. My high school career will be over in a few small steps.

And I’ll be okay. I won’t be great. I’ll cry and grieve. I’ll hurt. But I’ll be okay. Life will move on because no matter what happens, the world continues to turn and time continues to pass. The sun will still come up in the morning and it will be a new day. And that’s all I can ask for – another day.