WEATHER: graduation forecast by “meteorologist” Jake Dziubla

Well, gang, the day is nearly here, so close that you can almost taste it (graduation probably tastes pretty good). Since I have been touted a “weatherman” (by weatherman I mean going to and regurgitating their forecasts), it only makes sense that I should give my forecast for the big day.

Forecast: Chance of weather-100%

High-The last time seeing many classmates, being around family, and getting your meat hooks on that prized diploma.

Low-Sleeping grads and awkward small talk

Forecast in detail: A hopefully nice day outside, otherwise everyone will have to endure the complaints of everyone and their brothers throughout the entire ceremony. No me gusta. Large chance of cap showers, so bring an umbrella. My uncle had to get his roof replaced once due to a behemoth of a cap storm. Take my advice (cap storms are commonplace in Indiana).

Advice: Bring an umbrella and Kleenex, more specifically for your family members, even more specifically for your mom and the elderly.